well today was miserable

I finished school today, 7 years gone and I couldn’t be happier now that I think about it which is very depressing really. 

The day started off well, I woke up at 6.30, got ready, got together with my pacman group and set off. When we got to school we had a water fight in the rain (which was cold, like really cold) then had a BBQ. Which was good too, I also had the chance to talk to my politics teacher about the post-it note prank we pulled on his class room (genius, i know) and he loved it. Anyway, we went home and me and Jordan cuddled for 2 and a half hours, yay. 

Then, I went to work and that was boring. Moving on. 

Me and my ‘friends’ went to nandos for a celebratory meal for finishing school. After,we had to go back to someone’s house, and we had to walk. I get anxiety from walking somewhere for a long time in alley-ways and places with a lot of people or somewhere where someone has started a fight or something (I want to avoid that) but, we walked which gave me anxiety panics which made me feel depressed. 

Once I feel depressed the feeling grows and expands within me and causes everything shit in my life to make me feel shit all at once. Suddenly,an explosion of sadness within my mind erupted and I couldn’t do anything but sit in total silence otherwise i would be perceived as ‘moody’ or stroppy.

Consequently, I made one comment about a song and got kicked out of the ‘friends’ house for being ‘stroppy all night’. Which is nice It’s lovely to realise you have great friends who understand your feelings and accept your mental  disorders and want to help you. Not. 

So I left, I cried and now I’m at home.

More alone than ever.